This will be a basic list of the most common questions people ask about being transgender. Just pick a question you are curious about, click it and it will take you to the answer down lower on the page. When you're done just click "Back To Top" to read more questions.


Many of the questions and answers here were adapted from the book Transsexuals: Candid Answers To Private Questions by Gerald Ramsey Ph.D. When I quote answers from his book, the entry will be in quotations "" and it will be italic.



FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

1) How do I know if I'm transgendered?
2) Does being transgendered mean I'm gay?
3) What kind of reactions should I expect if I tell people I'm trans?
4) When and how should I tell people I'm trans?
5) What is the difference between transgender and transexual?
6) I'm a pre-operative transexual. At what point should I tell my new sweetheart about my situation?
7) My daughter was molested at three years old. Is that why she wants to be a boy?
8) How do you know whether to call a transexual "he" or "she"?
9) At what age may a person be regarded as a candidate for surgery?
10) What about God? Will I go to Hell for being a transexual - especially if I elect to undergo reassignment surgery?
11) I'm gay, and my family is extremely homophobic. How do I tell them and avoid a lot of hurt feelings on both sides?






1) How do I know if I'm transgendered?

The best answer I can give is how do you feel inside? If you are male do you feel inside that you are supposed to be female? If you are female do you feel inside that you are male? If you answer yes to this question then you may be transgender.

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2) Does being transgendered mean I'm gay?

Not in the least. Transgender and sexual preference have nothing to do with one another. Just because you are trans doesn't have an impact on who you are attracted to sexually. And just because a person is gay or bi, it doesn't mean they are trans.

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3) What kind of reactions should I expect if I tell people I'm trans?

This one varies. Some people will be kind and understanding. Others will be cruel. It all depends on what kind of person they are. While some may already know and are just waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to tell them. Who you tell and why is entirely up to you.

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4) When and how should I tell people I'm trans?

I would say that before you tell anyone you must first be accepting, at peace, and comfortable with who you are. If you are nervous, embarassed, self-hating, or uncomfortable in any way this will come through. You can't really expect anyone to accept you for who you are if you don't already accept your self.

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5) What is the difference between transgender and transexual?

None. Transexual and Transgender mean the same thing. Some people are more comfortable with one word over the other, but in essence there is no difference.

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6) I'm a pre-operative transexual. At what point should I tell my new sweetheart about my situation?

"There is no universal answer to this question, which raises issues of honesty as well as privacy. How do you balance a potential partner's reasonable need to know who you are against your need as a transexual to maintain a degree of anonymity? In general, most transexuals with whom I have worked do not go around making public announcements about their situation. They do, however, tend to bring up the issue as it becomes relevant.
Although some transexuals will let anyone they intend to go out with know about their condition before the first date, most wait until they are sure that the relationship has a future and that they are genuinely interested in the person as a partner. Some will begin by dropping hints or bringing up topics related to tolerance, noticing how the prospective partner responds. If they encounter a degree of sympathy and compassion, they proceed; if not, they move on."

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7) My daughter was molested at three years old. Is that why she wants to be a boy?

"I have treated and evaluated hundreds of transexuals, and they have exhibited no higher incidence of child molestation than exists among the general public. Yes, it is true that child molestation affects different people in different ways. And yes, it is possible for such traumas to contribute to a variety of mental problems, including gender confusion. But it is unlikely, in my view, that such events would in themselves result in a diagnosis of transexuality."

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8) How do you know whether to call a transexual "he" or "she"?

"This is a practical problem that has confronted therapists and support staff at clinics and hospitals for decades. I usually instruct my staff to adhere to the following guidelines:
  • If a person presents herself in traditional female clothes, she should be referred to by femenine pronouns.
  • If a person presents himself in traditional male cloting, he should be referred to by male pronouns.
  • If a person verbally persents as male or female, this supersedes clothing and that person should be referenced by the gender pronoun with which he or she verbally presented.
  • If the transexual has filled out any paperwork, address the transexual by the name he or she has listed.
  • If in doubt simply ask "What do you prefer to be called?"
  • Similarly, if the transexual objects to a name or pronoun, simply ask, "What would you like to be called?"
    After you have known or worked with a transexual for a period of time, pronouns are seldom an issue."

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    • 9) At what age may a person be regarded as a candidate for surgery?

    Most surgeons and therapists wouldn't recommend surgery until adulthood. While the transexual may truly want and/or in their own mind "need" SRS (sexual reassignment surgery), it is not a decision to be made lightly. Once done it is not reversible. As such, surgeons typically won't consider SRS for a younger transexual.

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    10) What about God? Will I go to Hell for being a transexual - especially if I elect to undergo reassignment surgery?

    This is a difficult question. Many transexuals struggle with this day in and day out. I personally can't say yes or no. It would be best advised, in my opinion, to seek out an understanding and compassionate religious leader in your faith. If you believe in prayer, I would suggest that you pray. But I wouldn't suggest letting a prejudice from someone else to guide your decision. It may be difficult to find someone who is understanding. I would suggest you get more than one opinion on the subject. After that follow your heart. If you believe that this is the path that was laid before you to travel, by all means follow it. If you decide that this isn't the right path for you, then I would suggest some soul searching to find your path.

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    11) I'm gay, and my family is extremely homophobic. How do I tell them and avoid a lot of hurt feelings on both sides?

    Many people struggle with coming out to their family. All I can give is an opinion here. I would suggest you sit down with them on a day when all parties are relaxed and not under any kind of stress. Usually it seems easier to come out to women. They are generally more understanding than men. I would suggest you tell your mother or sister first. They can help back you when you decide to come out to the rest of your family. Or tell a friend that you know won't judge you. Start small, like one person at a time. Otherwise you may feel overwhelmed, and bad things can happen. You may get into a fight, hurtful things may get said, some of which can leave a scar the rest of your life. All I can really say is don't rush telling people. You have to be ready emotionally and mentally for what could happen if things go bad. But above all, do not hate yourself after telling them if things do go badly. Being gay is not a crime. To be ready you must first love yourself for who you are. That will radiate and make things go much more smoothly.

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